Archive for December, 2007

Swiftboat Veterans Against Jesus

Friday, December 28th, 2007

It looks like the rift is growing between Big Business and the Rapture crowd. This has to be one of the wackiest most twisted political coalitions in history — money-grubbing CEOs and Bible-totin’ tent revivalists. Helllooo!?!?!?!?! 2,000 years ago a wandering prophet preached love, compassion and tolerance and drove the money changers from the temple. And 2,000 years later, millions of his followers are still reciting his slogans, but they’re voting for the money changers. WTF???

Everyone to the left of Grover Norquist and less hateful than James Dobson has probably been waiting for years — decades —for these two groups to finally split up.

It’s easy to deceive yourself and see what you want to see, but things are looking hopeful. First, the “Family Values” dildos were threatening to splinter off into a third party if Giuliani gets the nomination. It’s probably just a hollow threat, but it’s a beginning; a crack in the wall.

And now the same rightwing millionaires who created Chickenhawk Shitstains Slandering a War Veteran Swiftboat Veterans for Truth are aiming their multi-million dollar hate machine toward Mike Huckabee.

Doesn’t Huckabee F%#$in’ Get It??? Sure, 99% of the Bible is about having compassion and helping people and not judging lest ye be judged and all that drivel. But come on, those are just symbols; code words. Nobody takes that shit seriously. One tenth of one percent of the Bible condemns promiscuity and homosexuality, and THIS is what conservative politicians have been focusing on.

THIS is how tens of millions of struggling working-class voters have been persuaded to keep voting against their own interests. “Yes, my opponent wants to increase your wages and raise your living standards, and I plan on keeping you down there in the gutter with piss-poor job prospects, no health coverage and shitty schools. But the good news is, I hate fags and pregnant sluts just as much as you do. Vote for Me!”

And it’s worked like a charm for almost thirty years. And then along comes this dumb redneck do-gooder who actually believes all that shit in the Bible about caring and helping others yada yada yada. And he has millions of followers. He’s ruining the Game Plan! Swiftboat Veterans to the rescue!

Houston homebuilder Bob Perry donated $4.5 million to the Slander Kerry campaign in 2004. This year he’s backing Mitt Romney’s campaign and so far he’s donated $200,000 to ClubForGrowth.net so they can smear Huckabee. Huckabee calls them the Club For Greed, and now it’s payback time.

Come on wingnuts, tear each other apart. Go for the jugular! Maybe, just maybe, this coalition of sickfucks will collapse. It’s sort of like seeing somebody you hate walk down the street yelling at himself and punching himself in the face.

Mitt the Mormon and Other Tales

Thursday, December 27th, 2007

Mormon MittOf all the empty-issues in the presidential campaign, perhaps one of the emptiest is Mitt’s Mormonism. Like most of Moroni’s Minions, he wears his religion on his sleeve. That’s no different than Huckleberry the Hounded spouting off about how pious he is in his equally odd beliefs. It seems to me that thinking the world is 10,000 years old isn’t any loonier than migrating a barren salt bed that’s not fit for much other than world speed-record attempts. Muslims believe pork chops will send them to hell and snake handlers think that if they only believe enough, they’ll survive bites from poisonous copperheads - a belief mostly shared by those who haven’t had their faith tested yet. Catholics think the snake handlers are crazy, but the Mighty Miter thinks it’s OK to hide child molesters. Shakers were celibate, which isn’t exactly a growth position sect-wise. So, go figure.

All belief systems have crazy ideas, atheists included. All that proves is that if God created us, he really needs a better quality control system and if he didn’t, Darwin was right and we’ve evolved from a shallow gene pool with lots of broken DNA. How else would you describe a world that requires chipmunks?

(more…)

The Evolution Of Candidate Huck-A-Bee

Thursday, December 20th, 2007

veryone seems to be all abuzz over Mike Huckabee and his tremendous rise in the GOP polling. Well before his emergence as a top-tier candidate, Thought Theater suggested he was worth watching and could easily emerge as a formidable candidate.

Now that it seems to have come to pass, I thought it was time to have a little fun at the expense of the former Arkansas governor…especially in light of his background as a Baptist minister. I’ve especially enjoyed the seeming no-holds barred battle being waged by Romney and Huckabee for the souls (code for votes) of evangelical christians.

One has to love when the faithful engage in the politics of piety…a virtual race for the altar. In the wake of George Bush, there seems to be little shame in ranks of the righteous. In fact, they seem convinced that their next president should accede to the bully pulpit and complete the mission of savaging the separation of church and state. Let’s hope the propensity of these fundy GOP voters to perform like a flock of sheep persists…and they hitch their holier than thou wagon to one of these bloviating believers.

If my antennae are right, it may be the perfect storm that sinks the ship of this current iteration of religious extremism and sends the movement (in lockstep like loyal lambs) tumbling off the cliff they so callously cleaved under the tutelage of Karl Rove and his self-anointed antagonists.

I have no doubt that counting these star-struck sheep, in what may be their faith infused finale, will undoubtedly assist me in sleeping like a baby. Let’s hope it happens since the alternative is unthinkable.

In the meantime, I hope you’ll enjoy the following:

huckabeecandidate.jpg

Cross-posted at Thought Theater

Bush Sr. To Help Repair Damage Done By Bush Jr. ?

Tuesday, December 18th, 2007

We expect parents to help their children through tough times as they are growing up, but by the time most people become adults, mommy and daddy usually don’t have to worry about picking up the pieces after their kids screw up. But every now and then we come across an adult who never seemed to reach adult maturity, even though they may now be in their 50’s or 60’s. It’s rare that those kinds of people ever amount to much, but surprise of all surprises, one of those idiot adults became the president of the United States, and the damage done by this imbecilic nimrod has been great. So great, in fact, that his daddy, former President Bush, may be tapped to help repair the damage if Hillary Clinton becomes our next elected president. At least, that’s what her husband Bill Clinton, another former president, said Monday.

“Well, the first thing she intends to do, because you can do this without passing a bill, the first thing she intends to do is to send me and former President Bush and a number of other people around the world to tell them that America is open for business and cooperation again,” Clinton said.

Former President Bill Clinton said Monday that the first thing his wife Hillary will do when she reaches the White House is dispatch him and his predecessor, President George H.W. Bush, on an around-the-world mission to repair the damage done to America’s reputation by the current president — Bush’s son, George W. Bush. - CNN Political Ticker

Now you’d think that Bill Clinton, the consumate campaigner, would know better than to say something like this unless he knew it to be true. And since he’s the husband of the candidate, we can assume that he’s not just shooting from the hip. Further consider that Bill Clinton and George H.W. Bush have previously teamed up in recent years to provide help to victims of the tsunami in SE Asia in 2005 and to aid victims of Hurricane Katrina. It’s not a far stretch to think that if asked by the next president to go forth and reverse the disaster marked course laid out by W, that these two elder statesmen would do just that.

But the real zinger here is the fact that Bush the elder hasn’t come forth and quieted the not-so-subliminal message that he’s less than pleased with the work of his progeny. In fact, the only statement of any kind from the GOP is this from the RNC:

“In 2009, a Republican president will be working with our friends and allies abroad to continue to keep our nation safe,” said RNC spokesman Danny Diaz. “The American people expect our leaders — both current and former — to present serious solutions to the very real challenges confronting our nation.”

Some may look at this statement and say, “What? They are expecting a republican to win the election.” Perhaps. But this statement could also be construed to reflect the message from Bill Clinton. Indeed, a former republican president could be working with friends and allies…

For the Clinton campaign, such a move could be a clear sign that she is worried about a general election run, where she has few fans in the GOP electorate, and not a stellar reputation among DEMs either. By offering to send her famously popular husband, former president Bill Clinton and a famously experienced former GOP president abroad to help fix the mess that W made, she is telling both sides that her administration would seek to bring balanced sanity back into the White House.

It’s a bold ploy for sure, inviting the father of the current president into her camp. It’s surreal that this “invitation” hasn’t been refused.

Then again, maybe Bush Sr. is just trying to find a way to salvage the family image…..

 (cross posted at Common Sense)

Congressional Democrats: Do Something or Get the F#$$#! Out

Monday, December 17th, 2007

E.J. Dionne has a blunt message for our Democratic “leaders” in Congress. He also has some sympathy for their self-created dilemma. Yes, it’s hell to be a spineless boneless jellyfish.

As he puts it: “Republicans chortle as they block Democratic initiatives — and accuse the majority of being unable to govern. Rank-and-filers are furious their leaders can’t end the Iraq war.”

The Democrats can’t pass any legislation because Republicans keep stalling their bills with one parliamentary move after another. This fact by itself should be a PR advantage for the Democrats. But as usual, they just lie back and let the Republican Spin Machine paint them into a corner. “Tax and spend,” “they don’t support our troops,” “nanny state,” yada yada yada.

Republicans seem to know zillions of obscure parliamentary rules that can be invoked on every possible occasion. “It’s Tuesday and we haven’t had lunch yet. Section 37D Paragraph 24 clearly states…”

So why can’t the Democrats do this? Congressional Republicans had Clinton practically paralyzed during the last six years of his presidency. What do they know that the Democrats don’t know? Or maybe they have spines and the Democrats don’t.

Dionne says: “In an ideal world, Democrats would pass a lot of legislation that Bush would either have to sign or veto. The president would have to take responsibility for his choices.”

Fortunately for Dumbya, his Congressional drones are protecting him from any personal responsibility. Since they keep most legislation from even getting to his desk, he can just sit there spilling whiskey and learning songs about Condi. (Bonus Question: Name the Tom Waits song alluded to in the previous sentence.)

And the Democrats’ razor-thin majority in the Senate isn’t helped when Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, Chris Dodd and Barack Obama are too busy running for president to be bothered with their mundane jobs in the Senate.

No wonder people are fed up with the two party system. Oh, there’re some differences between the two. On the right we have a bunch of stormtroopers marching in lockstep. On the left, a bunch of spineless blobs call out “how high sir?” whenever the stormtroopers say “Jump!” And jumping without a spine ain’t easy.

Do the Democrats stand a chance in 2008? According to Dionne, this is what they have to do:

“House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid should …use the Christmas break to come up with a joint program for 2008. They could start with the best ideas from their presidential candidates in areas such as health care, education, cures for the ailing economy and poverty-reduction. Agree to bring the same bills to a vote in both houses. Try one more time to change the direction of Iraq policy. If Bush and the Republicans block their efforts, bring all these issues into the campaign. Let the voters break the gridlock.”


Fish.Travel